Somehow…I’m Feeling Okay Now!
It’s been three days taht I don’t understand the reason why I am so lonely. I admit my husband and I just had a fight, and I am really really upset about what happened that day. I really got mad at him! But when I came to think about it, I just realized that I was wrong. I am so wrong for I am getting mad about simple things. I am not supposed to get mad about it. But I wan still wondering why I am still not feeling okay….just talked to a friend and I share what I am feeling. Thanks to her coz she finally made me cry. I really wanna cry! I really want to express and throw away this heavy load I am carrying for three days. It started when my husband lied about something that is actually not supposed to be an issue. Then my mind started to roll and think of so many malicious things. I am so bad! My husband is not bad. He is a good father, a good husband, how dare my mind thinking of so many things that already happened in the past and still have the feeling that it might happen again in the future! OH gosh! I can’t bear that this time. Boyfriends and girlfriends’ problem is different. We were married for almost four years now, I haven’t experience any kind of insecurity then. How come I al feeling it now? How come I am so worried with so many things around me. Why am I so paranoid? Is my husband has any reason to do such terrible things? I don’t think so, he’s just a typical family man who wants to take a break sometime. My friend was right, his life is not only for Me and for our kids, he also has his own world. My friend was right about being so attached to him. He has his own circle of friends though his friends are my friends too. The difference is just they were boys and I am a girl. I know these facts I just can’t accept them. To be able to accept these, I have to let go of him, not forever, just whenever he wants to do something for himself. I have to set him free but I have to set a limitations. All I am asking from him is to give me some respect. Whenever he’s doing a decision I just wanted to know about it without asking him. Of course I wanted him to be happy, I am happy when his happy. I am just a little bit jealous because I always wanted to be with him. See how selfish I am? Oh gosh, how can I able to get ridof this kind of attitude!? I wanted to live normally. I wanted to have a good relationship with my husband. I love him and I don’t want to loose him. He’s my life. I know that sounds crazy but YES I love him very much! Oh God please guide me.